Friday, May 25, 2012

6 years

It is weird to be in the same exact place I was 6 years ago, except in a different state.  I am still pregnant, with a girl, and a husband in school.  The only difference is 6 years ago I was in Florida.  These days I am feeling like that is the only difference. 
I don't have much to say this year.  Recently I wondered, am I cranky because I am pregnant, or am I cranky because today was coming, it is hard to judge since I am in the final weeks of pregnancy and have been told I am cranky, but why?  I guess it will be a while until I figure that out.  I don't have any fabulous or insightful words to say today, just things change but yet somehow stay the same. 
I still think how much easier this is for me than for other people, not because I am heartless, but because I live so far away.  My interaction with my Dad was limited to vacations and phone calls and not everyday phone calls, sporadic ones, once a week or so.  It is easy to go about my day and not think about calling or visiting or any of that.  I didn't have day-to-day interaction.  But yet as today has drawn closer I realize I will never forget and I will likely always get a little depressed and cranky around this time, whether I am pregnant or not.  Although Dad has missed so much in my life that I can talk to him about, he is still here in our mist everyday.  I often feel like his only grandson is the channel through which I feel his presence the most, the second child, the child who makes us laugh, just like my Dad, the second child who made us all laugh.  Thanks for watching over us Dad, and although I wish you were still available for the face-to-face I treasure knowing you see every good thing and bad.  Love you Daddy!   


Beth said...

Thinking of you. I, too, grew emotional and cranky as my Dads anniversary drew nearer and nearer.

Your comment about it being easier for you hit very close for me. Thank you for saying that because I often feel heartless for being able to go about my day.....

Hugs to you!

Melanie said...

Thanks Beth! I am glad it helped does get much easier, but it will sneak up on you sometimes! Hugs to you too!

ellen said...

Sweetie it gets easier but whenever you have a big event it all comes back,not as intense. e